Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
