he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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