I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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