how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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