it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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