I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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