someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
