Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
