My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
