those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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