Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?