haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.