Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
pop tarts are not kleenex
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do