In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?