Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
