Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
