you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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