Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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