you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
