i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
