so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So. Much. Porn.
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