I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
