walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
