so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
