I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
