Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
