Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
