I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
