they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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