Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
