how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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