she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
