my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
