Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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