It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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