Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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