I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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