He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize