I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think i got beer on your cat.
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