i just wanna soil my oats bro
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
