I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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