just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
sex in a hospital.. check
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
