"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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