You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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