Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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