last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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