and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
