the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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