I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
