I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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