she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
