ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
