Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
