Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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