She announced her abortion via fbk
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
