i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
