Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
