I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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