O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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