Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
