The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
