Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
