I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
