I feel like abortions should bother me more
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
