I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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