I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
