i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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