NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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