So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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