i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
