Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
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