those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
