Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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