just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
